What to do With Boris

September 11, 2012   ·   0 Comments

Having just watched the rousing speech that London Mayor, Boris Johnson made during the end-of-Olympics rally, I too was very impressed. With UK Prime Minister, David Cameron standing in the wings it made it all the more impressive. The twittersphere went wild with it’s love for Boris and the day after is full of the Boris for PM opinion, and on that note I offer my views.

He knows how to find the clitoris of the electorate….

There is no doubt Boris is a character who gets away with saying many things that others would be hounded out of office for. If Mitt Romney were to describe¬† half a million dollars as, “peanuts” – that would be the end of his presidential campaign. Yet BoJO, Bozza, cuddly fluffy – he don’t real mean it – cheeky chappy.. gets away with it. What Johnson does know – and to steal a line from now deceased MP, Julian Critchley – he knows how to find the clitoris of the electorate.

People love Boris because he is a strong character , proud of his nation and capable of making people feel the same. He isn’t afraid to say silly things, to slag off the French, to joke about having sex on sofas. People forgive him. Like they forgave some of the pig-ignorant things Margaret Thatcher used to say.

Boris is beyond a British caricature. He doesn’t represent what makes up Britain is in any real way. What he is, though, is a touchstone for all those Brits who want to project their image around the world. They don’t want the world to see us as meth-filled housing estates, football hooligans or bad teethed and obese. If someone is going to sell us to the world, it has to be a character like Boris. Cameron couldn’t cut it. He’d be pathetic on the Letterman couch. Like in the nineties when any self-respecting male student with a middle class accent travelling to the States, kissed the air thanking Hugh Grant’s popularity. As for the girls, It did not need a pioneering Brit celeb to make them desirable to American males. Let them see the British through the prism of Boris and we’ll correct them should they ever take a deeper interest.

Britain is desperate for a leader, it really really is – but throughout history many countries have made huge mistakes in choosing great orators that connect with the people in the hope that they will be lifted from the doldrums. Boris has not achieved much, at all, he has done nothing of substance for London – not even the Olympics -that was his predecessor Ken Livingstone. ( If you disagree, feel free to name his substantial achievements for the people of London, below)

The Window of Opportunity Is Passing

There is also a passing window of opportunity for Johnson to become “Supreme Leader” of the UK , as he refers to it. The political trajectory is that the Tories are nowhere near on track for a 2015 majority and there is nothing on the cards that is likely to improve their chances, only things that could worsen them. For Johnson to jump in now he would have to be elected as an MP, with rumours there are sitting MPs prepared to do this for him. Of course only Johnson could get away with this chutzpah. Anything other than this – The Long Game – would doubtfully work for Johnson. We would be talking 2020, that is a ridiculously long time in politics and an even longer time for Johnson to stay out f trouble. He would either be on his third stint as London Mayor – resting assured that Labour would not be dumb enough to put Ken Livingstone against him. It is more likely, he would be a settled annoyance as leader of the Opposition. That scenario would put him as one of the longest serving opposition leaders in history going in to a 2020 election. It would also be in opposition at a time when the economics of the country would be greatly improved – not thanks to what then would be a majority Labour Government, but thanks to the economic cycle. Even with this dreadful depression, by 2020 the direction would definitely be upward – if it were not then the UK would have worse problems than the luxury of Boris as PM because Parliament would probably have been razed and we would be under a Police State run by Supreme Lord Commissioner Prescott.

So I deduce that either Johnson is genuine in his love to want to be Mayor-Eternal of London, or he will start his ascent pretty soon. I don’t buy that the parliamentary Tories don’t like him and see him as an outsider. Boris could not be more Tory-True-Blue if he tried. He is more Tory than Cameron and Osbourne combined and I am certain, once he was back in Parliament he would easily muster the 42 Tory MPs needed to file a leadership contest to the 1922 committee. Hell, double that stand to lose their seats under Cameron.

Of course, with everything else , politics is a fickle place and the social network era is more fickle still so Boris – a great seizer of opportunities – could mis-time this one and find himself hanging in the air, (metaphorically for once) while his time passes. If that were the case there is still a job he could go for. As a natural born Citizen of the United States – now there is a job that would suit him – if he could just get past the Tea Party…


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